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02 November 2008 @ 03:59 am
 
There's too much to think about.

One thing after another.

One long chain tangled in my head... in my heart.

My insanity. The lingering effects - on me, on Cid. Cid... The boys. All of them. Collen hates me. Iever identifies with me. Caleb just wants to come home. Uncertain looks from co-workers. The issues that never left.

I just needed time. Space. Quiet.

I just want the world to stop. Give me time to breathe. To catch up. To live.

Cid will understand.

I made a stop to talk with Cloud. He feels it too. The stirring. Witnessed the danger. The violence. The sickness. Knows something's coming.

No.

Is already here.
 
 
 
Cid: mesmokin_highwind on November 2nd, 2008 12:15 pm (UTC)
Cid's helping load-up a new shipment into one of the cargo holds, carrying crates and checking inventory on a clipboard. He's been a lot more proactive since Vincent left, taking up double shifts, helping out even when he wasn't scheduled for anything, trying to keep busy during the long, quiet weeks, his ship feeling hallow without the boys' laughter or Vincent's lurking presence.
Vincent Valentinebeastunderneath on November 2nd, 2008 12:25 pm (UTC)
Vincent's deep, quiet voice whispers over Cid's shoulder.

"'Epaulets' is only spelled with one L, actually."
Cid: mesmokin_highwind on November 2nd, 2008 12:32 pm (UTC)
Cid jumps, dropping the box and clutching at his chest.

"Jesus! Jesus christ! Vince, how many times have I told ye not te... Vincent?" Cid stares dumbly at the gunman, then drags him into a rough hug. "Where the fuck have ye been, ye stupid sonovabitch?"
Vincent Valentinebeastunderneath on November 2nd, 2008 12:34 pm (UTC)
Vincent stiffens when Cid drops the box, confused and rigid against Cid as he clutches at him.

"Hi," he says dumbly, puzzled.
Cid: getin' pissedsmokin_highwind on November 2nd, 2008 12:38 pm (UTC)
Cid pulls back, and shakes Vincent gently by the shoulders.

"What the HELL, Vince? I thought ye were tellin' me now when ye were gonna go on any more goddamn Walkabouts?"
Vincent Valentinebeastunderneath on November 2nd, 2008 12:41 pm (UTC)
Vincent doesn't resist, looking surprised at Cid's anxiety.

"... I left a note."
Cid: serioussmokin_highwind on November 2nd, 2008 12:51 pm (UTC)
Cid looks around and pulls Vincent aside where they can speak more privately. "No offence, Vince, but it's been a rough few months fer everyone, 'specially you. Yer note hardly explained anythin', 'cept that ye'd be AWOL indefinetly...." Cid looks pained, like there's something else he's not saying.
Vincent Valentinebeastunderneath on November 2nd, 2008 12:53 pm (UTC)
Vincent follows after, peering down at Cid with confusion written across his features.

"... I don't understand."
Cid: serioussmokin_highwind on November 2nd, 2008 12:56 pm (UTC)
Cid clears his throat and rubs at the back of his head.

"...When, ye were sick. Ye told me things.... Like how ye sometimes thought about goin' off, te die. Leavin' only a note behind."

Cid looks up at Vincent, eyes pained, guilty.
Vincent Valentinebeastunderneath on November 2nd, 2008 01:03 pm (UTC)
Vincent stands there, silent, stunned, guilty, ashamed - lost for words.

He had thought about it. Less and less as he had lived and worked on the Highwind - with Cid. But he had considered it. Seriously. He couldn't deny that.

But he had never wanted Cid to know. He knew it would hurt him. Make him worry. He didn't want that. What had he been thinking.

"... I'm sorry," he says finally, quietly. Sorry Cid had found out, sorry Cid had worried, sorry Cid had been hurt. "I'm here," he tries to reassure pathetically.
Cid: mesmokin_highwind on November 2nd, 2008 01:08 pm (UTC)
Cid smiles lopsidedly. "Yeah, no, thanks," he says, fighting back emotions. "Just, tell me te my face, next time? Or write a better note, preferably with something about not goin' off te kill yerself, an' a rough date as te when ye'll come back." Cid smiles. Then he punches Vincent in the arm. "And answer yer goddamn phone, Jesus fuckin' Christ."
Vincent Valentinebeastunderneath on November 2nd, 2008 01:12 pm (UTC)
"I'm sorry. No cell phone reception in Edge." He looks vaguely apologetic.
Cid: serioussmokin_highwind on November 2nd, 2008 01:19 pm (UTC)
Cid's smile dies. "I call Cloud an' Tifa and Barret just fine on their phones..... Vince, we need te talk, 'bout everythin' that's happened."
Vincent Valentinebeastunderneath on November 2nd, 2008 01:23 pm (UTC)
He frowns. "... all right."

Without moving, he manages to give the impression of fidgeting nervously.

"... now...?"
Cid: serioussmokin_highwind on November 2nd, 2008 01:26 pm (UTC)
Cid nods. "Wanna talk in my cabin?"
Vincent Valentinebeastunderneath on November 2nd, 2008 01:28 pm (UTC)
Vincent nods, looking uneasy.
Cid: mesmokin_highwind on November 2nd, 2008 01:32 pm (UTC)
Cid gives him a gentle smile, and pulls Vincent in, kissing his temple. "C'mon. Don't look so scared, goddamn, yer makin' me feel like a fuckin' executioner."
Vincent Valentinebeastunderneath on November 2nd, 2008 01:35 pm (UTC)
Vincent allows the kiss, not seeming to register it.

"I'm sorry," he says finally. "This is awkward. I don't remember."
Cid: mesmokin_highwind on November 2nd, 2008 01:37 pm (UTC)
"Remember what?"
Vincent Valentinebeastunderneath on November 2nd, 2008 01:39 pm (UTC)
"So much," he whispers. "What I said, when I was..." He peters off, at a loss for how to describe his temporary insanity.
Cid: serioussmokin_highwind on November 2nd, 2008 01:42 pm (UTC)
Cid puts his arm about Vincent and guides them towards his rooms. "That's what we're gonna talk about, alright? Don't worry, it's just me. We can do this tegether, get me?"
Vincent Valentinebeastunderneath on November 2nd, 2008 01:44 pm (UTC)
Vincent says nothing, but walks alongside him in silence, complacent.
Cid: mesmokin_highwind on November 2nd, 2008 01:47 pm (UTC)
They get to his room, and Cid fills up and turns on his kettle so they can have some tea while they talk. They sit down on his bed.

"Okay," Cid says, a little nervous himself. He wasn't exactly famous for taking. "Why don't we start with any questions ye've got."
Vincent Valentinebeastunderneath on November 2nd, 2008 02:36 pm (UTC)
Vincent silently clears his throat. Then he unclasps his cape, the motions loud and clumsy in the stillness and silence, standing and draping it over a chair. He sits back down with knees apart, hand and claw smoothing up and down his skinny thighs, then coming to rest there. He clears his throat more audibly.

"... I want to know your questions," he says finally, quietly, avoiding Cid's eyes. "And I'll answer them."

He wasn't very good at this either.
Cid: serioussmokin_highwind on November 2nd, 2008 02:38 pm (UTC)
Cid nods. He decides to start off a little easy, as much as he could.

"Did ye eat while ye were gone?"
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